Freefalling
by HBob
Summary: Ashley makes a horrible mistake. What will the future hold if Spencer doesn't forgive her?
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

"I can't believe I fell in love with you." The words echoed through her head as she stared at the blank wall in front of her. Her hands started to shake as she traced the image of her former love on the picture. Tears streamed freely down her face as another sob racked her tiny frame. Everyone had been right about her. She was worthless. She'd taken the best, most loving person that she'd ever known, and broke her heart. The alcohol that she'd drank earlier that evening started to affect her vision, blurring the memories. She laid down on the cool floor, curling her legs up to her heaving chest. The candle in front of her flickered slightly as she exhaled. She could feel her body hovering between the conscious and unconscious realms. Before she lost all her nerve, she slowly raised the razor to her arm…

_Earlier that day_

Spencer could hear Ashley's voice drifting though the door. She was listening to an old song that'd she'd recorded with her dad. Spencer stopped a moment and let the sound wash over her. She knocked softly on the door and waited for Ashley to come. When Ashley opened the door, Spencer knew instantly that something was wrong. Ashley's eyes were red and puffy, obviously due to hours of crying. "Baby?" Spencer asked warily. Ashley rubbed her eyes before silently taking Spencer's hand and leading her to the bed.

"Spencer," she began. "I…My mom called…I…It's my dad, he…there was a crash…his car…" She couldn't finish the sentence, but Spencer understood.

"Oh Ash," she said, reaching her hand to Ashley's cheek. "Baby." Ashley fell to her knees and buried her head in Spencer's lap. Spencer stroked Ashley's hair as the older girl shook. "Shh, shh. Babe, it'll be ok. I know it doesn't feel like it now, but…"

Ashley pulled away from Spencer's loving touch and, for the first time since she had arrived, Spencer could smell the alcohol on her girlfriend. "Spencer, please, please don't be nice to me."

Spencer stood slowly and moved towards the pacing girl. "Why? What happened Ashley?"

Ashley stopped pacing and aimed her pleading, guilty eyes and Spencer. "I'm so sorry." Spencer's eyes began to tear up as she moved closer. "God Spencer, I am so sorry. I…I love you so much." She took a breath and started, "My mom called, that's how I found out about my dad. She actually had the nerve to pretend to care about us. After I found out, God Spencer, I felt like I couldn't breathe. I went out. I called…I called Aiden and I went out. Please believe me Spencer, I never meant for anything to happen. I just needed to make everything go away. I…I drank too much babe, and I…and she was there. I don't…I don't remember…I'm so sorry."

Spencer stood in silence, drinking in everything Ashley had just said. Her eyes closed slowly and a tear fell down her cheek. Ashley moved closer to wipe it away, but Spencer recoiled from her touch. "Don't touch me. Don't you dare touch me. How…how could you Ashley? How could you do this to me? I love you. I love you so much. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. I…how…" She sat down on the bed, "How could you do this to me?"

"I'm so sorry. It's just, my dad and…"

"You can't even try to justify this to me Ashley. You…you cheated on me," Spencer said, trying to calm her beating heart.

"I'm sorry," Ashley cried, allowing the tears to fall. She moved next to Spencer. "Please baby, how can I make this better. Please tell me, I just want to make this better. Please…"

Spencer's pale eyes blinked away the tears. "That's just it Ashley. You can't. You can't fix this Ash." She looked at the brunette. "It's over." Ashley ran to the door as Spencer stood to leave, blocking her path. "Ash," Spencer warned, ignoring Ashley's attempt. "Stop," she repeated sternly.

"Spencer please, please don't leave me."

Spencer stopped and said, sighing, "You left me Ash. The second you slept with someone else, you left me." Her voice began to raise. "There's no fixing this Ash," she said through tears, "You ruined it. I'm sorry you lost your dad, I really am. I know how much he meant to you. But I just don't understand," her voice caught in her throat. "I don't understand how you can stand here and tell me that you love me, and then break my heart, all in the same sentence."

"I'm sorry," Ashley cried.

"I know Ash, but it's not enough. I wish…I wish I never fell in love with you," Spencer whispered, turning her back to Ashley, "This hurts too much."

Ashley watched as Spencer left. She was ashamed, her heart ached with the knowledge of what she'd done. She grabbed a bottle of Vodka from her mother's cabinet and tried to numb the unbelievable pain that racked her soul. Her eyes fell on the picture of her and Spencer. Unable to shut out the memories, Ashley allowed her guilty tears to fall.

_Present time_

Before she lost all nerve, she raised the razor to her arm, sighing as she slowly slid the cool blade across her skin. As the pain seeped out of her body, Ashley pictured Spencer…Spencer on the beach, with the sun glowing behind her beautiful face. Spencer's eyes which lit up when the tide rushed onshore. Spencer, who's wonderful heart just broke because of her. Spencer…the only girl she'd ever truly love.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N. Hey guys. Thanks to all who reviewed this. It means a lot that you guys care enough to comment. Hopefully this chapter doesn't disappoint. Feel free to tell me if I suck.**

**Chapter 2**

"Ashley?" Aiden asked through the door. He's seen Ashley leave with a blonde girl, but he had been too drunk to stop her. Something just felt wrong. Ashley needed him. "Ash?" Aiden repeated, hitting his fists against the door. "Ash, open the fucking door!" When Aiden didn't receive a response, he pulled on the doorknob, surprising himself when it opened. "Ashley?" he called into the seemingly empty house. He could hear soft music playing upstairs and he ran to Ashley's room. When he opened the door, the sight before his eyes sent a shiver to his heart.

Ashley was lying on her back, arms outstretched. A pool of blood had formed underneath cuts on her left wrist. Aiden rushed to her side. "Ashley, baby, come on," he said, lifting her head onto his lap. "Ashley, come on, please. Open your eyes." When Ashley didn't respond, Aiden grabbed his cell phone and called 911.

"911 Operator, what is your emergency?"

"My friend tried to kill herself. Please. There's so much blood," Aiden cried.

"Ok sir, I am dispatching a unit now. What is your location?" the operator asked. Aiden told her Ashley's address and then drew his attention back to the bleeding girl. "Sir, I need you to check for a pulse. Can you do that?"

Aiden moved his fingers to her neck and breathed a sigh of relief when he felt a pulse. "She's got a pulse. It's not very strong, but it's there."

"Is she still bleeding?"

"Yeah," Aiden replied. Knowing what the operator was driving at, Aiden ran to Ashley's bathroom and grabbed a towel. He wrapped the material around the fragile girl's wrist and waited for the ambulance the arrive. "god Ashley, what have you done?" He ran his finger over Ashley's forehead as he slowly rocked back and forth. "Please Ashley," he whispered.

* * *

Spencer threw herself onto her bed and grabbed her pillow. Pulling it close to her, she buried her tear-streaked face in the soft comfortable object. To say that Spencer was in shock would be an understatement. After everything her and Ashley had been through. Fighting with Spencer's family. Fighting with the world. Fighting with their feelings for each other. Ashley meant everything to Spencer, and now it's over. A part of her heart is missing and Spencer longed to feel whole again. She longed to have that love back. She'd been betrayed, thrown away like she was nothing. _What did I do? Am I a bad person? Why would she do this to me? _Spencer wiped her tears with the sleeve of her sweatshirt. No…Ashley's sweatshirt. Anger filled the blonde as she tore off the warm article of clothing. She threw the shirt, crumpled, into the corner.

She fell to her knees, anger and pain filling her, the weight too heavy for her to hold. This was a pain that Spencer had never felt before. It was unbearable. She was alone. Her heart and soul were gone, and she was alone. She grabbed a picture from that held a photo of her and Ashley. She held the object, clenched tightly in her hands and stared at the image before her. Her knuckles turned white as she dug her fingers into the frame. Releasing a guttural yell, Spencer threw the picture against the wall, barely blinking when the glass shattered. Spencer leaned forward onto her hang, deep breaths escaping her lips. As she opened her eyes, she allowed herself to shed the last tear that she would ever shed for Ashley Davies.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N. I would like to thank each and every one of you that reviewed this story. You guys make me want to update everyday. I know that so far this story probably makes you want to jump off a roof somewhere (with it's depressingness), but I promise that it will get better. In fact, the next chapter begins my fast-forward to the future (aka, this turns into a Future-Fic). Hope you guys enjoy!**

**Chapter 3**

Aiden sat in the waiting room, his head resting in his hands. His back ached from sitting in this chair, but that pain didn't even register with him. Nothing could ever compare to the pain he felt when he saw his best friend lying on the floor, covered in her own blood. Ashley had been so pale, so helpless. Aiden stood, unable to sit any longer. He paced in front of the vending machine, running his fingers through his dark hair in frustration. _How can this be happening?_ How could he lose his best friend? Why would Ashley do this? Grunting, Aiden turned around, needing to release aggression. He slammed his fists into the vending machine, letting out a low growl.

"Ashley Davies?" a doctor said, entering the waiting room.

Aiden became numb. "Is…is Ashley ok?" He wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer to this. There was so much blood.

The doctor sighed, "Does she have any family?"

"I'm all she has. He dad just died and her mom isn't around. Please, please just tell me if she's ok," Aiden begged.

"She's lost a lot of blood, son. We had to give her numerous transfusions. It was touch and go for awhile." The doctor paused. "Does she take any medication?" Aiden shook his head. "That's what I was afraid of. We found a high dose of Vicodin and alcohol in her system. We were forced to pump her stomach."

"But she's ok now, right?"

"She's stable, yes. But we will have to keep her on suicide watch for a hew days. We need to make sure that she doesn't try anything again. We also recommend that she seek counseling after this. In these cases, it's often best to get to the root of the problem before it eats away at them and they end up back here." The doctor paused again. "I'm not sure when she'll wake up," he placed his hand on Aiden's shoulder, "But you are welcome to go in and see her."

Aiden thanked the doctor, replaying the conversation in his head. _Counseling…suicide watch…so she doesn't try anything again._ As he stood in front of Ashley's hospital door, he prepared himself for what he was about to face. He reached for the handle, his body shaking with fear as he remembered the sight of Ashley lying on the floor.

Aiden entered the dim room and slowly walked toward the unconscious brunette. He sat down and reached for her hand. Pausing slightly, he slowly ran his fingers along the bandages that covered her wrists. "Oh Ash," he whispered, gently squeezing her right hand. "Why did you do it?" He rested his forehead on the pillow next to Ashley's head and sighed.

"Why did you save me?" Ashley's hoarse voice questioned.

Aiden lifted his head and stared in disbelief into Ashley's defeated eyes. "How can you even ask me that?"

"I cause pain to everyone who's near me. You would have been better off without me in your life," Ashley stated through tears, wincing in pain as she spoke.

"You don't get to decide that Ashley!" Aiden yelled, dropping her hand. "You can't make that call. You are my best friend. My world can't exist without you in it."

Ashley shook her head, "I'm worthless Aiden. I don't have anything to live for anymore. I screwed up so bad. I screwed everything up."

Aiden glared at the brunette, "What would Spencer think of this? Of you giving up like this?"

Ashley's face paled at the mention of the blonde. Her strong resolve faltered and the tears fell. "I screwed it up Aiden. I lost her. I…I drank too much. I couldn't think…and I…I slept with someone else. I told Spencer. How could I lie about it? God, Aiden. The look on her face." Ashley paused. "I think I broke her heart."

Aiden sat in silence as Ashley poured out her heart. "You did screw up Ashley, but how would Spencer feel knowing that you tried to end your life? Do you think that she would want that?"

"I just don't know how to live without her."

Aiden leaned forward and wrapped his arms around the sobbing girl. "I'll help you Ashley. I'll help you live, I promise. We can get you through this, but you have to promise that you'll try. Promise that you will try to survive."

Ashley wiped her tears away and stared at her friend. "I'll try." She stopped and inhaled sharply, "Do you think…do you think I could get her back? Do you think I could ever get Spencer to forgive me?"

Aiden lowered his gaze, "I don't know Ashley. I honestly don't know. But you can try."

Determination filled Ashley's eyes. "I will. I'm going to get Spencer back."


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N. Here's the next chapter. I worked kinda hard on this one, sorry if it's not Spashley oriented...I'm trying to build some drama. I'm not sure if I am succeeding, but well...what do you guys think?**

**Chapter Four**

As Spencer sat on the bench, the sun shining down on her face, she thought about past. It had been five years since that moment. Since the moment when her life had changed. Spencer Carlin had spent these last five years trying to forget the pain, trying to forget her life with Ashley Davies. These years had not been kind to Spencer. She'd tried to move on, she even left the city for a while. Now, at 25, Spencer was trying her best to move on from the heartache. She recently was hired to teach at an elementary school just outside of Los Angeles. She still spoke with Aiden. The conversations were far between, but sometimes they were enough to get Spencer through the day.

She hadn't had a steady relationship since Ashley. She believes that it is because the part of her that was wired to love, was broken when Ashley tore out her heart. Spencer couldn't stop the flood of memories that invaded her consciousness.

"Spencer," Aiden yelled, interrupting Spencer's internal trip down memory lane. Grinning, Aiden picked up the short girl, pulling her tight against his body. He swung her around in his arms before finally setting her down. "How are you?"

Spencer smiled at him. "Much better now that you are here," she said, poking him in the chest with her index finger. "How have you been?"

"Nice avoidance of the question there, Spence," he said, raising an eyebrow, "but I'll play along." He led Spencer to a bench and the two sat. "Well, I suppose that the big news is…Haley and I finally got engaged."

Spencer threw herself into Aiden's arms. "Aiden, that's so amazing. I can't believe she didn't tell me." She admired her friend's smiling face, "It's so great seeing you smile again."

"Yeah Spencer," he started, lowering his gaze, "I just wish that you could be happy too."

Her smile fell, "Happiness is overrated, Aiden. I have my job, I have you and Haley, I have my family…that's all I need."

Aiden shook his head, "But I miss seeing you smile, Spence. I miss your laugh. I miss the way that you were…"

"Before she broke me heart?" Spencer shot sharply, aggravated that Aiden would even bring _her_ into the conversation.

"I was going to say 'back in high school'."

"I was happy once, Aiden. I just don't think I could ever have that again. And like I said, I have you and Hales."

Aiden shook his head, his longer hair brushing against his forehead. "Of course you have us, Spencer. But we hardly see each other anymore. You have your students, we have our business…we have separate lives Spencer. I mean, don't get me wrong, Haley and I love you, but we still only see you, what, once or twice a month. And it's been 3 months since I last saw you, what with your job and everything. You are 25 years old Spencer, you need to get out of this slump."

"Now you sound like my mother," Spencer mumbled, "I was in love once, Aiden. And I'm tried of trying to find someone to 'heal my broken heart'."

"She misses you."

Spencer's eyes shot in his direction, "You've talked to her?"

He nodded, "I've seen her." He paused before continuing, "She's back in town."

Spencer hadn't spoken to Ashley since that night. As far as she knew, Ashley had moved away with her mother. She didn't even know that Aiden still spoke with her. It made sense though, they were best friends.

"She's been asking about you," Aiden stated, placing his hand on her shoulder. "I didn't know what to tell her."

"Tell her whatever you want, Aiden. Ashley isn't a part of my life anymore." Spencer shook her head as the memories threatened to return, "I don't care what you tell her."

"What if she asks to see you?"

"I don't want to see her. I don't want to look at her, I don't want to speak to her, I don't even want to think about her, Aiden." She paused a moment. "Ashley's been dead to me for years."

Aiden's jaw tightened at Spencer's choice of words. But she had no idea what Ashley's been through over the last five years, and he bit his tongue about the subject. It wasn't his story to tell. "Look Spencer, I'm not condoning what Ashley did. And I would never begin to defend her, but she's been through a lot."

"And you think I haven't?" Spencer shouted angrily. "Aiden, you have no idea the pain that I've been through."

"I know, Spence. All I'm saying is that Ashley is her own worst enemy. And trust me when I say that she's punished herself worse than anyone could have. Even you."

Spencer remained silent, her head suddenly clouded by the memories of her and Ashley. Their first meeting. Their first walk on the beach. Their first dance. Their first kiss. Their first time making love. Their final fight. Spencer's chest tightened as she recalled that feeling. The feeling of knowing that the one person in this world who meant the world to her had thrown her away. Had chosen sex over her. Had broken her heart. "I don't want to talk about Ashley anymore, Aiden."

He shook his head, "Ok, Spencer." He pulled her into a hug, rubbing her lower back. "I'm sorry."

She wiped a stray tear with her sleeve as she pulled away from the embrace. "It's ok. She's your friend, I understand that." Spencer composed herself, changing the subject, "So, tell me about this engagement. How did you propose?"

A sheepish grin crossed his face, "Actually, it's a funny story…see, because…well," he stuttered, "Haley…actually proposed."

Spencer gasped in mock-shock, "You let your girlfriend propose?"

"Define 'let'. I don't think I really had a choice."

"Had a choice in what?" a voice said from behind the two.

Spencer turned her head and her jaw fell open. "Oh my god."


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N. Wow, you guys are seriously making my day with all these reviews! I love you guys! Oh, and in the next chapter...Spashley reunites!**

**Chapter Five**

"Haley?" Spencer said, gasping as she took a step back from the raven-haired girl. "You're pregnant?" Her eyes wandered over the small tummy poking out from underneath the tank top.

Haley nodded before turning towards her fiancé. "You didn't tell her?"

"I was getting around to it," Aiden said. "I just thought you should be here when she finds out."

"Aiden," Haley said sternly, "You could have told her."

"But it's our surprise, you should be here too." Haley smiled, pulling Aiden into a gentle kiss.

"How far along are you?" Spencer asked, feeling a twinge of jealousy at the love displayed in front of her.

"Just four months," Haley responded, placing her palm on her stomach. "We're still kind of in shock about it."

Spencer pulled Haley into a hug, "I'm so happy for you guys," she said as tears twinkled in her pale blue eyes. "Does this mean I finally get to be Aunt Spencer?" she giggled, allowing the happy news to wash over her.

"Well Spencer, I hate to cut this short, but Aiden and I have to get going," Haley said, sending a look in Aiden's direction. "We are having a small get-together tonight, we were hoping that you could come. 8:00?"

Spencer didn't notice the look of annoyance that crossed Aiden's face. "Sure, should I bring anything?"

:Just your smiling, happy self," Haley said, grinning at her. Aiden rolled his eyes at his fiancé.

The trio said there goodbyes and headed off into opposite directions. "Nice job, Hales," Aiden grumbled, "Do you know what you just did?"

"I'm just trying to help. Spencer needs to get out into the world…live a little bit."

Aiden groaned, "But do you have any idea how dead we will be when Spencer learns that Ashley will be there too?"

"Aiden, Haley…what the hell did you guys do?" Ashley asked, shaking her head at the couple.

"Oh no, do not blame this on me. It was all Haley's fault," Aiden tattled, pointing to his fiancé.

"What are you Aiden? Five?" Haley said, sticking out her tongue at him.

"Wow, you guys are mature. And you're expecting to be parents?" Ashley mocked, placing her hands on her slender waist.

"Ashley, look, the bottom line is that you and Spencer will have to see each other eventually, I am just speeding up the process," explained Haley.

Ashley sighed. She knew that she would see Spencer soon, but the idea of bombarding her at a dinner party just didn't seem right. Running her fingers through her thick hair, a million scenarios entered her mind. Would Spencer be happy to see her? Would Spencer run screaming in the opposite direction? Would they talk? Would they cry? Could they ever get back what they had? "No, I can't do it Aiden. I can't." Her heart started pounding, and she sat down to avoid a panic attack. "I can't face her, I just can't. After everything…" her voice caught in her throat as the emotions ran wild. "I can't hurt her again." She closed her eyes, holding back tears.

Ashley felt warm arms wrap around her. "Ashley, I spoke with Spencer today." Ashley pulled away and stared into Aiden's eyes as he continued. "She still cares about you. I could see it in her eyes when she heard your name. She hasn't let you go."

These words tugged at Ashley's heart and embedded into her mind. "She hasn't let me go?" Ashley repeated aloud. A small smile formed on her face.

"You've changed so much Ashley. You've been through so much, and you've proven yourself to be a survivor. If Spencer knew everything that's happened these last five years…she would be so proud of you," Aiden said softly, "Just as proud as I am."

"Thanks Aiden, but you shouldn't be proud of me. I had to survive. I didn't have a choice," Ashley said, aiming soft brown eyes at Aiden. "I had to survive…for him."


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N. Hey guys, thanks for reading this still! And now, a message for you awesome people who are commenting and making me so happy :)**

**Sexy Mami - hmm, a son? I don't know. Maybe, maybe not. And if she did have a son...then who with? Hmm, we shall see.**

**Kyden and yo gurl jackie- Thanks so much! You have no idea how giddy I get when people say that they like my stuff. 10 extra cool points for you guys!**

**FiresOfDeath - Don't worry, Ashley will be brought into the story soon enough. After all, it IS called a Spashley story.**

**SoNer - I'm sorry to hear that you think my story is too ordinary. I'm glad you liked the beginning, but know that I do plan on going darker as the story progresses. If you feel like sticking around..great. If not, then I'm sorry I let ya down.**

**Whitnie and BROOKLYNDEB - All shall soon be revealed on who "he" is. Oh, I love mysteries!**

**And now, my update!**

**Chapter Six**

Haley placed the plates on the table, hoping that Ashley would show up. Although she hadn't been there for the notorious Spencer-Ashley-Nuclear War, from what Aiden has told her, these girls belonged together. And that was all that Haley needed to know. She had met Ashley a few years back, and instantly felt connected to the girl. Ashley has had her share of life problems, and Haley wanted nothing more than to see her happy. She didn't understand why Spencer and Ashley hadn't spoken for five years. If she loved somebody as much as Ashley loved Spencer, there would be no force strong enough to keep them apart. She felt warm arms wrap around her stomach and she leaned into the comforting embrace.

"And how's my little mastermind?" Aiden joked, grinning as he kissed his fiancé's neck.

"Mmm, fine. I'm just hoping that Spashley-War part 2 doesn't happen."

"Yeah, me too. Because then both of us will be buried in the debris," Aiden said, half-joking, half-serious. "Hell hath no fury like 2 women scorned…and then tricked into seeing each other again." Haley groaned at this.

A knock at the door brought an anxious tension to the apartment. Aiden kissed Haley on the cheek before answering the door.

* * *

Spencer stood outside Aiden's door, waiting for him to open it. She couldn't help smiling around those two, especially now that they were having a baby. She rocked back and forth on her heels, humming softly. The door opened to reveal Haley, a tense smile forced onto her face. "Spencer," she said, expanding her name a little too long for Spencer's liking.

"Haley, what's…what's going on?" she asked warily, trying to peek into the apartment.

"Nothing, nothing…come on in," she grabbed Spencer and pulled her into the apartment, glancing sideways into the hallways before closing the door. She turned and faced the confused blonde. "How are you? Can I take your coat? Oh, you don't have a coat. California, warm…got it. Oh! Would you like a drink? We have vodka!" She plastered a grin on her face, searching the room for Aiden.

"Um, sure," Spencer replied, wondering if Haley's hormones were wonky. Her eyes scanned the room, noticing the few eccentricities that Haley had added to the apartment. Spencer liked Haley, she was fun and caring and perfect for Aiden. Spencer could even overlook Haley's tendency to try and _fix_ every problem that came her way, even when it didn't directly involve her. Her heart was always in the right place, and Spencer could appreciate that. Plus, Haley made Aiden happy…and that was reason enough to like the girl.

Aiden came out of the bedroom and headed towards the living room. Before he could reach the room, Haley grabbed him and pulled him into the kitchen. "Ow, what are you…?" Aiden began, only to be shushed by Haley's hand covering his mouth.

"Shh, she'll hear you," Haley hissed.

Aiden removed her hand and he furrowed his brow. "And this would be bad because…?"

"Because Ashley will be here any minute now."

"Uh-uh, you cannot drag me into this. You were the one who invited Spencer here. You were the one who invited Ashley here. And, if I remember correctly, you were the one who ignored me when I told you that it was a bad idea. This is you problem now, Hales." He crossed his arms in a 'this matter is closed. Score one for Aiden' manner. He looked down at his fiancé, who's normally happy face was sullen. "It's ok, just blame it on the hormones. They'll forgive you."

Haley slapped him playfully on the arm. "Not funny, Aide." She peered around the corner to look at Spencer, who was now sitting on the couch. "She's going to kill me, isn't she?"

Aiden looked at Spencer and then returned his gaze to his fiancé. "Oh yeah, so dead."

"Hey guys, what's going on?" Spencer called from the other room.

Haley and Aiden peered around the corner, fake grins plastered on their faces. "Nothing," they replied in unison before retreating back into the kitchen.

"Oh yeah, nothing weird about that," Spencer said to herself. They had been acting odd tonight…well, more odd than usual. A picture suddenly caught her eye and she moved toward the mantle. It was Ashley. It was a picture of Ashley, Spencer and Aiden at the beach years ago. Her eyes stung slightly as the memory flooded back.

* * *

_"Ashley!" Spencer giggled as Ashley threw her soaking wet body onto the sand. "Watch out for my castle!"_

_Ashley flipped onto her stomach and gazed at Spencer's creation. "Nice castle, Spence. But it's such a nice day and the water is so nice. Don't you want to come swimming with me?" Spencer shook her head and Ashley jutted out her lower lip in a pout. "Please?" Spencer remained content building her masterpiece in the sand. "Come on Spencer, do you really want to spend all day building something that will be washed away at night?"_

_Spencer frowned, "Fort Carlin will last forever." She added a flag, made from a leaf and a stick, to the top and smiled proudly at Ashley. "See, all done!"_

_Ashley couldn't help but smile at how adorable Spencer was. She moved closer to Spencer, glancing around quickly before kissing Spencer softly on the lips. "You're right Princess, I think this really could last forever. The castle, I mean." She brushed the sand off of Spencer's cheek. "I promise that I'll never let anything ruin it." She leaned forward to kiss Spencer again, but instead received a face-full of sand. "Ack!" she gasped, shaking off the sand particles from her face and hair. "What the…"_

_"Hey guys, the water's great!" Aiden said, beaming as he dripped water onto the girls._

_"Aiden! Watch the castle!" Spencer yelled, throwing her towel at the boy._

_"Boys _always_ ruin the perfect moments," Ashley grumbled._

_Aiden threw his hands up in defense. "Ok, I'm sorry." He grinned, "Come on, picture time. We can document Spencer's little castle."_

_"Fort Carlin," Spencer said proudly._

_"Right…Fort Carlin," Aiden repeated slowly. He grinned and threw his camera to a friend from the basketball team. "Hey Dave, take a picture of me and my ladies, dude." The three huddled in front of Fort Carlin and smiled. "Say threesome!" Aiden yelled._

_Just before the flash went off, Ashley turned her head, whispered, "I love you," into Spencer's ear. She placed a gentle kiss on Spencer's cheek. The grin on the blonde's face grew wider as the camera captured this moment. A moment that Spencer would never forget.

* * *

_

"Spencer, are you ok?" Aiden asked, placing his hand on her shoulder. He had walked into the room and instantly noticed the look of longing on Spencer's face. He hated to see her so upset. Aiden knew that this night could very well destroy Spencer.

She turned her tear-filled eyes toward Aiden and sighed. She hadn't expected that one photo, one look at Ashley could make her heart ache. She hadn't realized just how much she had missed the brunette. She took a deep breath, shuddering as she tried to release the tension that was built up inside her chest. She struggled to hold back the pain that suddenly took hold of her body. "I'm fine Aiden," she lied. "I guess that I just…I didn't realize how much I miss her."

Aiden opened his mouth to respond, but he was cut off by a soft knock on the door. "I'll get it," Aiden heard Haley shout from the door.

"Oh crap," Aiden whispered, receiving a confused glance from Spencer. Her gaze was drawn towards the door where Haley now stood with a short brunette. The new arrival wore tight jeans, a black tank-top, and a wary look on her face. Her dark, curly hair settled just below her shoulders. Piercing, yet soulful brown eyes met confused, shocked blue ones as the girls stared at a vision from their past. Spencer would know this girl anywhere.

"Ashley?" she whispered.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N. Hey guys, here is my next chapter. I would just like to thank EVERYONE who reviews this story. I can't say it enough just how freaking much I love you guys. You are seriously my driving motivation for this story.**

**Whitnie: Yes, I love mystery and suspense. I wish I could write more mysterious mysteries, but hey, school interfere's with my writing sometimes...stoopid edumakation...**

**Bat7130: Haha, awesome review. A little spoiler here: We will find out who "HE" is in the next chapter. Muhaha. **

**Darkredeyes, Loug2, Evangelion Nerdling, and WolfkidX: I am glad you guys are enjoying the story. Hopefully this next chapter doesn't disappoint!**

**Chapter Seven**

"Ashley?" Spencer whispered, her voice laced with confusion, shock, and slight anger.

Ashley stood unmoving at the doorway. Her eyes were filled with unshed tears. She knew that Spencer was going to be there. She had spent hours practicing speeches in the mirror on what she would say to the blonde. Yet here she stood, silent. Currently, Ashley couldn't even begin to comprehend the English language. She couldn't string words together to form a sentence. She couldn't think of a single thing to say to Spencer.

Haley's attempt-at-a-chipper voice broke through the silence, "Who wants dinner?"

"I could go for a beer," Aiden whispered in her ear.

"Ashley," Spencer repeated, "What are you…?" All Spencer could do was stare at the brunette. She looked different, not so much in her appearance, but in her eyes. She looked more mature, weathered by time and life. She was still beautiful, not even Spencer could deny it. But something…

"How…how are you?" Ashley asked softly, her raspy voice sending a shiver through Spencer's heart.

"I'm…" Spencer began before pausing. She didn't want to exchange pleasantries with Ashley. She didn't want to speak with her at all. Spencer crossed her arms, "What are you doing here?" anger dripping from her words.

"I…I was invited," Ashley responded quietly. It seemed unnatural for Ashley to speak so softly. Spencer was taken aback by this unusual timid-ness that Ashley now exhibited. She lost her train of thought as she watched the brunette's gaze fall to the floor. The once outgoing, boisterous girl now appeared shy, like something inside her was broken. Like the part of Ashley that didn't care what people thought had somehow disappeared, or been taken away. Maybe it was maturity, maybe it was guilt, but Spencer could tell that something wasn't the same about the woman she once loved. "Look, Spencer, I'm sorry. I know that my words probably don't mean much…"

"No, you're right Ashley, they don't. They don't mean a thing to me. You don't mean a thing to me," Spencer snapped.

"Spencer, don't talk to her like that," Aiden said softly, "You don't know the whole story."

"Aiden, stay out of it," Ashley said shortly.

Spencer turned her head to look at Aiden. Something had happened, she could tell. Ashley had done something. "Look, let me get my jacket and I'll be out of here in a minute. Then you guys can go ahead and have a pleasant dinner."

"No, Spencer. Stay, we can sit down and work everything out and…" Haley started.

"This isn't your problem to fix, Haley. This can't be fixed," Spencer interrupted, "Ashley knows how I feel. There is no changing that." She turned and walked over to the closet to grab her jacket, but she felt a gentle touch on her shoulder. She didn't need to turn to know who it was. Ashley's fingertips gently squeezed her shoulder, turning her around.

"No Spencer, I should leave," Ashley whispered, her breath tickling Spencer's ear. The blonde closed her eyes as Ashley's sweet scent surrounded her. "I'm sorry."

Spencer could hear Ashley's footsteps heading towards the door and her heart quickened. A panic that she might never see Ashley again set, and before she knew what she was doing, she called out her name. "Ashley." The brunette turned, tears glistening in her downcast eyes. She wiped them away with her sleeve. The two stared at each other, the world falling away around them. Old emotions, memories, and pains flooded back to the girls. Spencer's jaw tightened as she spoke. "Why? Why did you do it?"

Shock crossed the brunette's face. She had expected Spencer to yell. She had expected there to be tears. But she never expected Spencer to ask her why. Her chest tightened as she found air difficult to come by. "I…I can't give you a reason Spencer. I don't know why I did it."

"That's it? That's all I get? After everything that you put me through. That's the only thing that you have to say to me?" Spencer yelled, moving quickly toward the older woman. Ashley backed up suddenly, turning towards the door. "No, you do not get to walk away from me, Ashley," Spencer shouted, pushing past Ashley and slamming her fist against the door. She stared hard at Ashley, her eyes piercing through Ashley's protective armor. The tears began to fall as Ashley and Spencer's eyes met.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I made a stupid mistake, one that caused me the best thing that I ever had. I loved you Spencer, I loved you so much. And it kills me to know that I caused you even an ounce of pain." She placed her hand on Spencer's cheek, running her fingertips along her jaw line. The blonde instinctively closed her eyes at the gesture. "I'm sorry." Ashley pushed past Spencer and left the apartment. Spencer stood there, breathing heavily. How could Ashley still make her feel this way? How, after everything that brunette had done to her, could Ashley still make Spencer's emotions bubble to the surface? How could Ashley still make Spencer feel so loved?

"So," Aiden joked, "I guess that means that dinner is cancelled."

* * *

Ashley burst through the double doors that led out of Aiden's apartment complex. Rain fell lightly from the sky, washing away Ashley's tears. She leaned her head against the brick wall. Ashley had made so many mistakes in her life, it was something that she was good at. But she had changed. She had learned from her mistakes over the years, why couldn't Spencer see that. "God, how can you expect her to Davies, you make it so easy to hate you," Ashley said aloud to herself. She walked forward and sat on the curb, allowing the rain to spill around her. Her hair grew heavy and clung to her face as she sat, unmoving, in the rain. She gazed up at the sky, inhaling deeply as she urged the rain to wash away her mistakes; her pain. "I'm sorry," she whispered, wiping away the rain, and her tears, from her eyes. "I'm sorry!" she yelled louder, sobs wracking her body. She leaned back, lying against the cool cement, ignoring the dirt and the water that now covered her clothing. "Please, I'm so sorry." She buried her head in her hands and listened to the soothing rain splatter against the street.

"Ashley?" a soft voice rang out over the rain. Ashley sat up, startled, and turned to face the newcomer. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," Spencer apologized. She looked at the brunette, and even through the downpour Spencer could see the redness in Ashley's eyes. Ashley looked so small and alone sitting, drenched, on the curb. Spencer's face softened as she spoke, "What are you doing out here?"

Ashley stood and faced the blonde, sighing as she searched for the right words. "I was…I…I just needed to think." She watched warily as Spencer moved from underneath the building's awning and closed the gap between the two.

"Ashley, it's freezing out here. Go home," Spencer said flatly, moving past the wet woman towards her car. She began to unlock her door, before turning back to the brunette. "Can I ask you something?" Spencer had calmed down a great deal since the fight in the apartment, but she still had questions for the older woman. Ashley nodded her head in response to Spencer's question, too surprised at the blonde's gentle façade to respond verbally. "Why did you come here tonight?" Ashley remained silent, and Spencer continued her line of questioning. "I mean, you knew that I was going to be here, right? And I know that you wouldn't think that we are ok. So why? Why would you even bother showing up?" Spencer crossed her arms across her chest and glared, in silence, at Ashley.

"Because I miss you, Spencer," Ashley started, "And I know that it's my fault, everything that's happened, but I missed seeing you. I missed your face. I missed your smile. I miss the way you make me feel. And I know that I can't change what's happened. I know I can't un-break your heart and take away all your pain. Trust me, if I could I would take back all of the pain that I caused you. I would take back every single tear that I made you shed. But I came here tonight to be selfish. I came here to feel something that I haven't felt in years. Just being around you Spence, just being near you is enough to make me feel alive. And I'm sorry that seeing me makes you remember all the bad times, but seeing you brings back the good for me," she paused, struggling through falling tears, "I just…I really missed you." She turned, embarrassed and started walking away. She felt a soft touch on her shoulder, a hand, which trailed down her arm and clasped her hand. She turned and fell into glistening blue eyes; kind blue eyes that Ashley fell in love with.

"Come on, Ashley. I'll drop you by your place to get some dry clothes," Spencer said, pulling Ashley gently towards her car, "Then we can go to my place and talk some more." She rubbed her hands up and down Ashley's arms, making the brunette tingle with excitement. "You'll catch a cold, and I can't have that on my conscience." Spencer opened the door for Ashley to get in, and the two drove to Ashley's apartment. An unusual, and unexpected, comfortable silence fell over the car and Ashley stared in amazement at the understanding blonde seated next to her. Spencer will never cease to amaze her. The brunette grinned, _God I love this girl._


	8. Chapter 8

**AN. Woot, woot! Thanks guys for leaving me some LOVELY messages. If I could cook, I would bake you guys a cake. Much love, much love. Anywho, for all you guys who were wondering who 'HE' is...well, here's your answer!**

**Chapter 8**

Spencer pulled the car up to the curb and parked. They had driven for 20 minutes in silence, both unsure of what their next step was. Spencer had surprised even herself when she offered to drive Ashley home. Spencer was still hurt, she probably always would be, and there was nothing anyone could do to change that. The way that things had gone down between the girls so many years ago would probably always tear at Spencer's heart. But seeing Ashley again, hearing her voice brought back old feelings that Spencer had tried to bury. The brunette still made her heart skip a beat. Spencer glanced over at Ashley and smiled. "Why don't you go and get your stuff. I'll be right here."

Ashley nodded and opened the door. Pausing, she turned and said softly, "Thank you Spence." Spencer smiled at this and turned her eyes away from the brunette's grateful gaze. Ashley's eyes always expressed her feelings, even if she never admitted them.

Spencer watched as Ashley headed up to the apartment complex. She was surprised at how average Ashley was living. Ashley had received a large amount of money from Danger's will. Spencer had just assumed that Ashley would be reaping the benefits. She turned on the radio, smiling when her CD began to play. "_You leave me speechless, when you talk to me. And you leave me breathless, the way you look at me. You manage to disarm me, my soul is shining through. I can't help but surrender my everything to you,"_ Spencer sang happily along with the Veronicas. She found it odd that the song that reminds her of Ashley would play after seeing the brunette for the first time in 5 years.

She heard a buzzing noise and turned towards the passenger side of the car. Ashley's cell phone lay vibrating on the seat. Spencer grew curious and flipped open the phone. The screen read: **'Text Message: Izzy'**. Spencer's heart tightened. _You can't be jealous,_ Spencer thought, _you aren't dating Ashley anymore. She's free to see whoever she wants._ Spencer began to flip the phone shut. _But she made you believe that she still loved you. How could she lie to you again?_ Spencer's internal debate continued for another minute before curiosity won out. She opened the phone: **'Hey babe, when are you coming home? Your baby misses you. Come on Ash, I need to see my girlfriend!' **Spencer's jaw tightened. _Girlfriend?_ She turned her car off, ran out into the rain, and walked into the apartment complex. She checked the list on the wall: Davies 503. Fuming, Spencer clutched Ashley's cell phone in her hand and rode the elevator to the 5th floor. She stepped out into the hallway, just in time to view Ashley leaving her apartment. Spencer hid behind the corner as she painfully watched Ashley kiss a beautiful young brunette on the lips. "Bye Izzy," Ashley said before turning and heading down the hall towards Spencer's hiding spot.

"I should have known," Spencer said as Ashley passed her. The brunette jumped and stared in shock at the blonde. "How could you Ash? How could you pretend to still have feelings for me when you already have a girlfriend." Ashley opened her mouth to respond, but Spencer cut her off. "I don't want to hear any more lies from you Ash. This is it, we're done. I can't believe that I ever thought of giving you a second chance. You are worthless and completely incapable of love. You always have been. I don't know why I thought I could change you."

"I'm not incapable of love, Spencer. I loved you from the moment I met you, and I have never stopped loving you since then," Ashley spoke through tears, Spencer's words cutting her at her core.

"Bullshit Ashley," Spencer said, her voice escalating. "I saw you, you can't even begin to deny it this time."

"And what did you see, Spencer?" Ashley questioned, her anger starting to bubble. "You saw me kiss my _friend_ Izzy? That's your big reasoning for why I am incapable of love?" Spencer was taken aback by Ashley's tone. "You have no idea what my life is like now, Spence. You don't know who I am now, so don't even begin to tell me who you think I am. Because I guarantee that you are wrong."

"Well then who is she?" Spencer asked.

"She's my friend, Spencer. She's never been anything more than that."

Spencer pulled out Ashley's cell phone, "Then explain this. She wants to see her girlfriend? Why would she send you this if she wasn't your girlfriend. It doesn't make sense, Ash."

Ashley leaned against the wall, trying to control her emotions. She hadn't planned on this night ending here. She had thought that her and Spencer could casually talk, try and rebuild what they used to have. Sighing, she moved towards Spencer and, inches from her face, spoke softly. "Isabel is my friend. And she probably does want to see her girlfriend, Sylvia, tonight. In fact, I think they were supposed to hang out. But instead of hanging out with her girlfriend, Izzy offered to do me a favor."

Spencer grew intrigued, "What kind of favor?"

Ashley sighed, "How did I know you were going to ask that?" She crossed her arms and moved away from Spencer, pacing back and forth down the hallway. "When Aiden told me that you were coming tonight, I wasn't sure that I wanted to go. I was afraid that I would ruin your night, and it appears I was right."

"You didn't ruin my night Ashley, I'm just confused by what you want."

"I want you, Spencer. But I know that I need to explain myself for tonight." Ashley shut her eyes and took a deep breath. "I called Izzy, because I couldn't leave him home alone tonight. And I couldn't bring him with me, either. One shock at a time, right?"

"Ashley, what are you…Him? Him who?" Spencer asked, eyeing Spencer suspiciously.

"Ray. Ray Davies. My son."


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N. First off, thanks for the comments. I know I keep saying it over and over, but you guys make me smile everytime I read a review. I'm so thankful that you guys like this story. I'm working hard to get the next 4 chapters out within the next week. Let's see how that plan works out. As for now, hopefully you guys like this next chapter!**

**Chapter Nine**

Spencer backed up slowly, her mouth open but no sound escaped it. Shock and hurt filled her face and Ashley wanted to envelop Spencer into a hug, but she didn't. Both girls stared at each other in silence.

"Spencer are you…" Ashley began, moving towards the stunned blonde.

Spencer threw her arms up, stopping Ashley in her tracks. _A son?_ This was too much for Spencer to handle. A girlfriend, she could have handled, but a son? "A son?" Spencer asked, squinting her eyes at Ashley. "You have a son?"

Ashley nodded, "Yes, I do. I have a son, Spencer. I didn't…I didn't mean for you to find out like this. I…I wasn't sure how you would react." She bit her lower lip and Spencer could tell that Ashley was fighting back tears. "Look Spencer, I love my son. Ray means everything to me. I want…I wish…I wish you could see how much I've changed."

Spencer's expression softened. She moved closer and took Ashley's hand in hers. Confused brown eyes stared back at her as Spencer traced her thumb along Ashley's palm. "I can see that's you've changed, Ashley. I know that you are sorry for how things ended for us, but I need you to understand something too." Ashley nodded her head as Spencer continued. "I can't forget what happened, and although I'm trying to get past it, I can't forgive you yet. I know that you are trying to prove to me that you are trustworthy, but it's hard for me to forget the pain that I felt." Ashley lowered her eyes to the ground, avoiding Spencer's stare. Spencer felt bad for Ashley, but she still couldn't forget that her heart was broken.

"I'll show you, Spencer. I love you. And I'll prove to you that you can trust me again. I'm responsible now. I'm not that same girl who hurt you. I promise, I'm not her anymore."

Spencer nodded, accepting Ashley's declaration. "So," she started, moving on, "A son, huh?" Ashley nodded and Spencer saw how Ashley's eyes lit up when she thought of her son. "Ray. I like it. Is he named after his father?" Spencer questioned.

Ashley caught on to where Spencer was going with this. "No, he's not. His father was…his father was someone who didn't stick around, and we didn't need him." She looked away from Spencer's gaze as she continued, "He was out of my life before I even found out I was pregnant."

"Did you love him?" Spencer asked, her heart pounding.

Ashley smiled, "The only thing that matters is that he gave me a son. He gave me Ray and for that I am thankful. That little boy," she laughed and shook her head, "I can definitely see why my mom never spent time with me when I was younger. He is such a little troublemaker. Good thing I know how to handle troublemakers." She smiled and lost herself in her memories.

"How old is he?" Spencer asked, surprised to see Ashley so excited and content with being a mom.

"He's four," Ashley said without thinking. The moment the words left her lips she regretted it. She could tell by the look on Spencer's face that the blonde had done the math.

"Four year old? He's four?" Spencer's lower lip trembled, "We broke up 5 years ago. How long after we broke up did it take you to jump into bed with someone else?" She didn't wait for a response, scoffing "Although that's the be expected. You always did enjoy meaningless sex."

Ashley's face fell into a silent shock. She couldn't believe that those words just came from Spencer's mouth. "It wasn't like that Spencer. It wasn't meaningless sex, it…"

"Oh, you what Ash? Loved him? I knew this was a mistake. It's my fault though. I should have known better then to let you back into my life." Spencer turned and walked away before Ashley could defend herself. Tears fell from Spencer's eyes as she left the apartment building.

Ashley watched Spencer walk away from her. She didn't understand how things had gone so wrong. One moment they were laughing, trust was being built again, and the next… She leaned against the wall and slid down, pulling her knees to her chest. She rested her chin on her knees, sighing deeply. Staring at the wall, Spencer's words rang though her head. _I should have known better than you let you back into my life._ She turned her head to the side when Izzy peeked her head out of the apartment. "Everything ok, Ash?" she asked gently.

Ashley closed her eyes and said softly, "No, it's really not." Ashley pulled out her phone and dialed a number for someone who could help her.

Her best friend answered groggily, "Hello?"

"Aiden?" Ashley said, her voice breaking slightly, alerting Aiden to the fact that she was upset.

"Ashley? Are you ok?" he asked warily. He was used to late night freak-out phone calls from Ashley, but she had been fine these last few years. He'd just assumed that Ashley was finally doing better.

"No, Aiden, she nows about Ray. She thinks…she knows how old he is and she did the math. God, Aide, she thinks I had sex right after we broke up. She thinks I went out and had more meaningless sex. She thinks I stopped caring about her…" he voice cracked with emotion.

"Does she know the whole story, Ashley? Maybe if you just tell her the truth…"

"I can't. I can't tell her Aiden," Ashley yelled, startling Izzy who was listening in on the conversation.

"But Ash, Ray is a good kid, and you are a great mom. If Spencer knew the truth about who his father is…" Aiden began.

"No, Spencer can never know the truth. I don't want her to know, Aiden. Promise me that you will never tell her."

"Ashley, I don't…"

"Promise me, Aiden."

"Ok," he grumbled, "I promise I'll never tell Spencer what happened."

"Thank you," Ashley started, "I don't think I could ever face Spencer again is she knew the truth."


End file.
